You've got the IEP meeting invitation sitting in your inbox. Your stomach drops a little. Maybe a lot.
You know these meetings are supposed to help your kid, but they often feel like sitting in a room where everyone speaks a language you're still learning, nodding along while secretly wondering: Am I asking the right questions? Am I missing something big?
Here's the truth: schools aren't trying to hide things from you (usually). But they're also juggling a hundred kids, limited budgets, and policies that don't always prioritize what your child specifically needs. That means some of the most helpful accommodations, services, and clarifications? You have to ask for them yourself.
So let's level the playing field. Here are 10 things you should absolutely ask for in your next IEP meeting, things that can make a real difference but rarely get mentioned unless you bring them up first.
1. How Your Child's Strengths Are Actually Built Into the Plan
IEPs can feel like a laundry list of everything your kid can't do yet. Reading struggles. Math delays. Attention challenges. But here's what often gets skipped: What are they already great at?
Ask the team: "How are my child's strengths included in this plan?"
A good IEP should use what your child is already good at (maybe they love drawing, or they're great with patterns, or they can remember song lyrics like nobody's business) to help them access the areas where they need more support. If the IEP doesn't mention strengths, it's not a complete picture.
One parent shared: "Once we started building goals around my son's love of maps and geography, suddenly social studies became his favorite subject, and his reading comprehension improved because he was motivated to read about places."
Remember: a disability is not an inability. It can be their superpower.
2. Exactly Who Does What (And When They Do It)
Accommodations sound great on paper. Extra time on tests. Preferential seating. Use of assistive technology. But if nobody knows who's supposed to implement them, they don't happen.
Ask: "Who specifically is responsible for each accommodation, and does my child need to ask for it every time?"
For example:
- Does your child get extended time automatically, or do they have to request it from each teacher?
- Who provides the assistive tech, and is it already set up, or does someone need to arrange it each semester?
- If your child needs a quiet testing space, who arranges that?
Get names. Get processes. Get it in writing.
3. The Baseline Data (So You Know Where You're Actually Starting)
Schools love to write annual goals. "Student will improve reading fluency by 20%." Cool. But 20% from what?
Ask: "What's the baseline data for each goal, and how was it measured?"
If they say your child will improve math computation skills, you need to know: Are they currently at a 2nd-grade level? A 4th-grade level? Are they getting 30% correct or 60% correct? Without a starting point, you have no idea if progress is actually happening.
4. Crystal-Clear Measurement Criteria (Not Vague Teacher Observations)
Here's a goal you might see: "Student will demonstrate improved social skills in the classroom."
Here's the problem: What does "improved" mean? Who decides? And how do we know when it's happened?
Ask: "How exactly will you measure progress on each goal, and what does success look like?"
A better goal might be: "Student will initiate conversation with peers during structured activities in 4 out of 5 observed opportunities, as documented by the speech therapist using a weekly observation log."
That's measurable. That's trackable. That's something you can actually hold the school accountable for.
5. Service Minutes Broken Down By the Actual Human Providing Them
Your IEP might say: "Student will receive 60 minutes per week of speech therapy."
Great. But ask: "Who is providing these services, what are their qualifications, and is this individual or group therapy?"
Because there's a big difference between 60 minutes one-on-one with a certified speech-language pathologist versus 60 minutes in a group of six kids with a paraprofessional assistant.
Also ask:
- Is the schedule fixed or flexible?
- What happens if the service provider is absent?
- Can services be increased if my child isn't making progress?
6. A Real Plan for Progress Monitoring (Not Just "We'll Let You Know")
Schools are required to track progress. But how they track it and how often you hear about it can vary wildly.
Ask: "Who will monitor progress, how often, using what tools, and how will I receive updates?"
Some schools send home quarterly reports. Some give you access to an online portal. Some… well, some don't tell you anything unless you ask.
Push for regular, scheduled updates: monthly if possible, quarterly at minimum: with actual data (not just "She's doing fine").
7. The Gen-Ed Integration Game Plan (Because Inclusion Matters)
Federal law requires that students be educated in the least restrictive environment possible. Translation: your child should be in general education classes as much as they can handle.
But sometimes IEPs default to pulling kids out more than necessary.
Ask: "What's the plan to integrate my child into general education settings, and how much time will they spend in mainstream classes?"
If the answer is "very little," ask why. What specific skills or supports are needed before more integration can happen? What's the timeline?
Inclusion isn't just nice: it's a legal right.
8. Extended School Year (ESY) Eligibility (Especially If Skills Regress Over Breaks)
Does your child forget everything they learned over summer break? Do skills backslide after a two-week winter holiday?
Ask: "Does my child qualify for Extended School Year services?"
ESY isn't just summer school. It's specialized instruction designed to prevent significant regression in critical skill areas. Not every child qualifies: but if yours loses ground every break, you should absolutely ask about it.
9. What Training Teachers and Staff Are Actually Getting
Your child's IEP is only as good as the people implementing it. And if teachers don't understand your child's specific needs (or how to use the accommodations listed), the plan won't work.
Ask: "What training or professional development will teachers and staff receive to support my child's IEP?"
For example:
- If your child has sensory processing needs, will the teacher get training on sensory regulation strategies?
- If your child uses assistive technology, does the teacher know how to troubleshoot it?
- If your child has an invisible disability (like ADHD or anxiety), does the staff understand how it impacts learning?
One educator put it this way: "The best IEP in the world doesn't help if the teacher doesn't know how to make it come alive in the classroom."
(Related: If you're still learning about invisible disabilities yourself, check out our guide on what every parent should know about invisible disabilities.)
10. Transition Planning and Post-Secondary Supports (Even If Your Kid Is Still Young)
By age 14 (sometimes earlier), transition planning should be part of the IEP. This includes preparing your child for life after high school: whether that's college, vocational training, or independent living.
Ask: "What transition supports are available, and when do we start planning for post-secondary outcomes?"
Even if your child is in elementary school, it's never too early to think about their future. What skills will they need? What accommodations might carry over into college or the workplace? What self-advocacy skills should we start building now?
The earlier you start this conversation, the better prepared your child will be.
You're Not Just a Parent at That Table: You're Part of the Team
IEP meetings can feel intimidating. You might worry about asking "too many" questions or sounding difficult. But here's the thing: you're not being difficult. You're being your child's advocate.
The school team has expertise. They know the policies, the procedures, the legal stuff. But you know your child. You know what lights them up, what shuts them down, what they need to thrive.
And when you come to the table prepared: with specific questions, clear expectations, and the confidence to push for what your child deserves: you're not just attending a meeting. You're building a roadmap that actually works.
So print this list. Bring it with you. Ask the questions. Take notes. And remember: your child's education isn't something that happens to you. It's something you get to shape: one meeting, one question, one accommodation at a time.
Because a disability is not an inability. And with the right support? There's no limit to what your child can do.
(Want more resources for advocating for your neurodiverse kiddo? Head over to xtermigatorkids.com for tools, tips, and a community that gets it.)